1:17am

That's got to be bad. I'm still awake, and not feeling like sleeping (different than feeling tired. I feel that.)
I am concerned about a few (many/all) things. I am concerned about the world. about myself. about faith. alot. about how dirty my room is right now. about school. about the future. about the pain in my back. about this blog. and this house.

I want things to be right, naturally. But they aren't, naturally. Things are not naturally right, they do not become right. Things do not progress towards perfection, am I right? Maybe not.
Because what is perfection, after all. It is a signifier, a mere word with ascribed meaning- possibly ill-ascribed based upon an unfounded argument that the ideal of 'perfection' stands outside of what is real and attainable and tangible and empirical.

oh god, what did I just write. it's too much.

and, I'm not sure why I'm posting this on the house blog and not my own personal rant blog, afterall. I dunno, I just dunno.

Which brings me to this play I'm working on/a part of. IDK IJDK (os, I Don't Know, I Just Don't Know) at Gordon. Opening next week. feeling so unprepared, but knowing things come together.

...at least in the theatre world. The show must go on.
Why do we not take that mentality to the rest of our works?
How can the show go on amongst the horror of nautre and the world? seriously. what is this show for, afterall?

This all sounds really depressing, sorry.
Just late contemplation by this crazy.

1:23. I should try to sleep. long days are even longer when there is no sleep the night before.
truth.

oi, life. death, life. beauty, destruction, beauty.